Energy

I've realized lately more than ever, that I'm someone who feeds off other people's emotions. I feel and read energy and emotions so easily, and I tend to reflect them. When people offer me good energy, I reflect that. When people offer me negative energy, I don't necessarily reflect it, but I don't always give good energy back.

The reason this is on my mind, is because I had someone tell me I was grumpy yesterday at work, and in my opinion, it was completely out of the blue. This woman didn't even acknowledge my existence when I greeted her, so I just went about my business of ringing her through the cash desk and letting her know the exchange policy. When I gave her the bag, she rudely asked if the receipt was in the bag, and I told her it was. She grumped "thanks" at me, and I said you're welcome, have a nice day. It wasn't an overly pleasant exchange, but in my mind, I was in no way rude to her. So it was really shocking to me that she decided to passive aggressively mutter something about how grumpy I was, and then repeat it so that my co workers and other customers could hear. My supervisor stood up for me, and everyone else looked generally shocked. And the part that made it weirder, is that I was having a lovely conversation with the next people in line about what a nice day it was outside.  So it brings up the issue of how people perceive things, and how we perceive things. So in her mind, I was grumpy. And in my mind, she was grumpy. So it was an interesting exchange that's for sure...

The reason I bring up the feeding of energies, is because I read her energy right away, and I reacted to it by being more passive and just being to the point . When someone comes up to the till with great energy, we may have a great conversation about things that don't even pertain to the items they're purchasing. And I think a lot of it does have to do with me, and how I react to them.

Maybe I should learn how to give off more positive energy all the time, regardless of the energy I feel is being given off.  But most of the time, I just have the feeling that I don't want to waste positive energy on people who are not willing to give it back. I think because I try to surround myself not with positive people, I tend to automatically push negative people away.  I have a hard enough time keeping myself positive these days, I don't need people draining me of what little positive energy I have. But then as I write this, I'm thinking of a really important point.. sometimes those who give off negative energy, are the ones who need positive energy the most.

It's definitely something to think about, and it's definitely something I grapple with often. I always want to be a better version of myself, and days like yesterday (even though I don't fully understand where she's coming from) make me feel like I fall short.  But there's always tomorrow, and it's always an opportunity to be the best version of me that I can, as cheesy as that sounds.

Good energy

I haven't posted in quite a while. Probably because there's nothing much new to report. Still mentally drained from work, and still counting down the days until I visit my family.  We're down to 52 days now, and considering I started the count down at 100 days, that's pretty good! Almost half way there :) I think that's the only thing that keeps me going to work every day.  Each day I go to work and get through the day, it's one less day until my trip.  Despite not wanting to be there, I've had an okay attitude about it. It's strange to be so unhappy about a situation, but be in a good mood. I don't understand it myself, but it seems to be appreciated at work because everyone feels the same way I do, and I've had one girl comment outright that she loves my energy. I guess I realized even though I really dislike this job, there's no point in being sullen about it. I still have my bad days, but for the most part I still want to laugh and joke around with everyone. It's easier getting through it that way.

I've also started reading again. And this is actually a big thing. I used to love reading, but then suddenly when I moved here, I just stopped. I became addicted to tv and that's all I did. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like something is changing, and for the better. So I'm embracing it and hope that it means something good. Maybe I'm getting bored of being so complacent and lazy in my life and it's the first step to changing my routine. Here's to hoping.