A lil update

I know I haven't updated in so long, but there's not much to say. I guess I have to go back a bit in time...

I had a fabulous Christmas, and I was incredibly spoiled. But my favourite part was seeing my family, friends, and playing trains with my family. (Trains is a dominoes game, we weren't playing with toy trains.. haha). It was relaxing and I was pretty anxiety free. I know, amazing. But that ended when I got home. It was hard being out of a routine for 3 weeks. You know that feeling you get when you have company over for an extended period of time and although you feel relaxed when they leave, a loneliness also sinks in?? Well that happened to me, except I was the one who left to go back home. Although it was nice to get back to my man, I found myself being bored, missing the constant commotion (especially dog commotion) and nervous to get back into a new semester at school. But now that I'm back to school..

It's weird only having 3 classes! Sometimes I get anxiety like I should be doing something but then I'm like Oh wait, I barely have classes to worry about! Haha, it'll get stressful in minor situations, but over all it shouldn't be too stressful of a semester.

There was a semi stressful event that occurred today though. We had a community "taskforce" to eliminate poverty come in to our class today, and their area of interest is education. So they wanted to know our experiences as students, and then as social work students, how we could lend opinions in other areas as well. So we got hot and heavy into the issue of loans, housing, etc etc. But loans is the worst part. I mean the interest is actually scarier than the loan itself. Interest is prime + 2%. And prime right now is 18%, just for those of you who didn't know. So We're looking at 20% interest once we graduate, and that is not contingent on finding a decent job. Nope, you could be jobless or working at McDonalds and the interest will begin to pile on once you hit that 6 month mark. Uplifting right?

Well I'm off to watch a frivolous show to pretend that loan interest doesn't exist for now.

Values

I had my second counseling session today. We talked more about meditation and anxiety, and we talked about looking at ourselves from a place of non judgment. I'm not at the point of looking at myself without judgment, but that's what meditation teaches. It's a place I want to get to though. I talked about how I have a difficult time with affirmations, because I am at the point where I don't believe them. I know it's a "fake it til you make it" sort of thing, but I'm not even at the point where I can fake them. We're talking about the things you tell yourself, like mantras, to create positivity or encourage whatever you're lacking or want to increase. Like "I'm a strong confident woman" "I am beautiful inside and out" and things like that. So she said it would be helpful for me to just write out some values. Instead of saying "I am confident. I am strong. I am beautiful", etc, write down that I value these things. She said that's the first step, and as my anxiety decreases, I'll eventually get to the place where these will become affirmations. So here it goes...

I value...

Confidence
Strength
Forgiveness
Compassion
Love

New beginnings

Today was my first session with a counselor at school. Decided it was time to start getting my issues sorted out. I think it'll be good for me. She's got me started on meditation sessions that is actually through an app on my iphone. So I'll try my first one this weekend. It's to help me with my breathing and trying to be more mindful- being in the here and now. Anxiety usually means you're not living in the here and now. You're dwelling in the future usually. They say depression is dwelling in the past, and anxiety is dwelling in the future. I've known for a while that meditation would probably be inevitable. It just seems daunting when you have a mind that never stops. But I'm looking forward to it, and I think/hope it's what's going to start me on my road to recovery.

WE DAY

So I made it to We Day this past weekend!! It was so awesome. I was a crowd pumper, so I got to see the entire show and basically dance around and cheer really loud. Haha. Basically I was there to make sure the crowd was excited. And I was able to be on the floor, so I saw everything.

Here are some of the people that I got to see:

Dave Williams
Silken Laumenn
Kardinal official, Karl Wolf, and JRDN
Alyssa Reid
Nikki Yanofsky

And sooo many more.. these are just the people/performers I can think of off the top of my head. And of course Craig and Mark!! I was so excited to hear Craig speak.

I also got to see some great people. I saw some close friends from University and stayed at a good friend's house. It was great to explore the city a little bit, because it was really my first time being there. We took the train lots and had dinner one night down town. All in all it was a great trip, and I'm glad that I was able to go!

Midterm

So I officially made it through midterm and papers, and I did really well on everything (minus the last paper because I haven't gotten it back yet). All my marks were in the 90s, and one of my midterms was the highest mark in the class. I'm not going to expect that every mark will be like this, but it definitely made me feel good to know that my effort is paying off.

In just one week I'll be in Calgary for We Day!!! So exciting. And then in 7 weeks and a couple days I'll be at my parents' for Christmas. Time is going by fast and there's lots to look forward to :)

Into the swing of things

So it's now a month and a half into school and I officially made it through midterms and papers! Of course there are always more things due but I'm pretty on top of everything else. I'm already done my major projects for this upcoming week, and my assignment for November 6th. I'm pretty much a keener, haha. And I'm doing really well in my classes. Aside from psychology.. but I'm sending positive thoughts out into the universe about my psychology midterm.

Also I went to my interview and training session for in school mentoring through Big Brothers Big Sisters. I just have to wait for my record checks to come back, and I'll start shortly after that. I'm really excited about it! It'll fill a bit of my extra time and it'll be something meaningful. I can also add it to my resume for experience once I've graduated.

I feel like things are starting to come together! I just need a dog now, but I know I'll have to wait for that one...

Thanksgiving weekend

This weekend is Thansgiving. It's the second Thanksgiving that I've missed being with family since living here. This year was definitely harder than last year because a surprised party was planned for both my grandparents. That basically meant a big family reunion where they live, and it just seemed like so much fun. I already love thanksgiving because of the family I get to see, so it was just extra special this year. It makes me look forward to Christmas even more, because even though I don't get to see the rest of the family, I get to see my parents, dogs, and grandparents.

I actually decided to make a semi thanksgiving dinner this year. No turkey of course because there is just 2 of us and we have a tiny oven, but we bought a small half ham and we're going to do mashed potatoes, yams, and stuffing. The stuffing is from a box.. haha.. it's something I'll have to learn how to make for the future, but it'll do for now. It makes it obvious how I have an emotional attachment to food.. because making thanksgiving food makes me feel closer to my family this weekend. It's silly but it's sentimental and makes me feel a bit better.