New year

My mom left this morning, the visit seemed to go by so fast.  We got our nails done, had a shopping trip, had many chats, watched all the Harry Potter movies, and I got spoiled. It was so nice to feel taken care of for a couple days! I'm so glad she came to visit, and I'm a bit sad she's already gone. Anytime I get sad though, I just push it out of my head. No use being sad about something that I can't control.

I can't believe the new year is already here! Time is going by pretty fast, and other than making my mom's trip go by fast, I'm pretty happy about that. I'm counting down the months til I'm back in school! I'm not doing anything for New Years, but the older I get it just seems to be less of a big deal. Jaspaul isn't here, and a lot of my work friends have plans already. I'd rather just hang out with people and not head out clubbing, but no one seems to be doing that! Oh well, I'll have a relaxing night in.

Since I'm thinking about the New Year... it's time to think about what I want for myself for the New Year! I try not to do resolutions, because if we want to be changing something, we should always be trying, and not just because it's a new year. BUT, it's always good to write down the things you want to accomplish! Mine are mostly a continuation of what I'm already trying to do. So here goes...

1) Lose weight:  When my mom was here, she said multiple times that she thinks I lost weight. The first time she said it, I told her it was probably just the pants cause they "hold me in," but she said she was sure of it later. So that was exciting! That means I haven't had any major changes, but that the minor choices I'm making every day are making a difference.  One of the things I've changed, is always eating breakfast. I also swapped eating out for bringing lunches 4/5 days most weeks. I've also cut back on the chips and candy, and things like that. So I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and keep making small changes here and there until it gets easier and easier. Oh yeah, plus that exercise thing that I should be doing...

2) Mental and Emotional strength: This is one I've really been working on since I moved here. I want to care more about pleasing myself than others. I want to worry less about what others think, and learn to accept when people don't like me. I know I'm already growing emotionally stronger, because some of the things that used to upset me, no longer do. So I want to continue with these things and stop being such an anxious person. I need to grow stronger to let go, and let go in order to be stronger.

3) Be a gracious and grateful person:  I try to be this kind of person, but sometimes I'm not. I am not in my ideal situation, but I want to stop letting it affect my mood. This is important because we're not always going to be in the situation we want to be, but we can't let it affect how we treat people and how we treat ourselves.

Happy New Year!

Old friends

After work today I met up with an old friend and her husband for dinner. She and I were in global education together in high school, and I haven't really seen her since University! She doesn't live here, but stays here for two months every year in order to complete a welding program. So we decided to get together before she heads back to where she actually lives. It was great seeing her!

I completed day 3 of 6 today. So I am officially half way through this long week. The days are going by pretty fast, so it'll be Christmas before I know it!

Christmas schedule

I got my work schedule for the next two weeks. It couldn't have worked out much better. I only work 2 days out of the 6 days that my mom is here!!! My manager definitely was nice about it. I also got Christmas eve off because they usually try to not make us work more than 5 days in a row. But I don't need that day off, because I'd just be spending it alone. And that would mean I have 3 days off in that week, and I'd get paid less. Then my friend was really missing home and she only lives a few hours away, but she'd need more than just Christmas day off in order to go home. So I took her shift for her :) I felt good doing it, because she was so incredibly happy to be able to go home. So now she can go home the evening of the 23rd, and stay through til Christmas! Plus that means I get my normal pay, and I made someone else happy. The only crappy part is that it means I work 6 days in a row. But I already have one down, so I'm just going to pretend I start a new week tomorrow. So, 5 more days starting tomorrow! And then once that is through, my mom will be here :) So excited!!

Routine

I just realized that I'm getting back into a routine. Not a set routine, but just a regular, human routine. For the first couple months of work, I was so tired all the time. Even on my days off, all I wanted to do was sit around and do nothing. Now on my days off I get all my errands done, laundry done, and I usually make up my lunches for at least part of the week. (Today was indian food, and the last couple weeks were chili). So I realized that finally I'm getting used to work enough that I have more energy all the time. I'm not necessarily less tired, because I still feel tired all the time, but I just have energy to do more when I'm not working. So guess what the next thing is to fit into my routine... WORKING OUT. I know I'm a broken record, but at least it means I'm still always thinking about it!

Dinner Date

So it's day 3 of Jaspaul being gone and I'm doing pretty well. I had the day off and got a lot done. Got my medical forms sent off along with some christmas cards, picked up a couple groceries, and did some laundry.  Then I went out for dinner with Jessica, the friend I went to Indonesia with. Even though the food wasn't good, the company definitely was. Now I'm making some semi-indian food for lunch at work tomorrow. So it was a pretty good day. Now back to work tomorrow. It always seems harder to go back after a day off!

Day off

Jaspaul left for home this morning, and I had the day off. So I spent part of the day cleaning and watching tv, then one of my work friends came over and we did work out videos from youtube. That was the first time I have worked out in so long. (Probably since I moved here). Too bad our work schedules are so different, because we rarely get days off together. Even if we had one day off a week together to work out, that would be so awesome.  We did some zumba videos, and then we did some Jillian Michaels. I forgot my work out DVDs at home, so hopefully I can get my mom to bring them when she comes to visit. I really need to start working out if I want to lose weight!

By the way, my mom will be here in 9 days! :)

Worky work work

Today was a good day at work. It went by fast, and it was stress free. I love these days. They make me think that it's not so bad! And I'm almost off the 90 day probation period, so hopefully my manager will be on her game and give me a raise quickly! I know I'll have to mention it though, because she won't be thinking about it. A co worker told me that she didn't get her raise for a long time, so I want to make sure to get on it right away. As my grandma always says.. every penny counts!

On Friday I'm going out with friends for some drinks. I'm definitely looking forward to that!  What I'm not looking forward to though, is Jaspaul going home! (Which is on the 16th). From the 16th until the 25th when my mom gets here, I'm going to be all alone! I'll have to find some things to occupy myself with.

A little update

Today I got my first Christmas card in the mail! It was from my Grandma of course :) I love getting letters!  She told me she enjoyed reading my blog and asked if I could share more. Well, that gave me a bit of a complex because I don't know what to even share about my life! I have a pretty steady and boring life right now. That's pretty much why I have stopped writing blogs so frequently. So I'll try my best to come up with ideas for what to write about!

Work has been getting better lately. The manager has seemed to calm down a bit, and I'm counting down the weeks until she is in the store a little less. Also I really am making some great friends at the store, so it makes it so much better. We are also back in our original store location, and it has been renovated and is much larger. Most days work is going by faster, and my feet are hurting less and less. So all in all, I think I'm just getting used to it, and also the working conditions are better in this store.

We had our holiday work dinner last Saturday. It was fun, and a good opportunity to get to know people outside of work. The only problem with making work friends though, is that it is hard to find time to get together outside of work!

On another note, I applied to the Social Work diploma about a week ago. I had a meeting with the head of the department, and it sounds like a good program. I'm excited about the idea of going back to school.  I know lots of people find jobs with just the diploma as opposed to the bachelor, and I already have a bachelor so that might work in my favour. The only main difference between the diploma and the bachelor, is 2 years of electives (and only 3 requirement social work classes) before applying for the program. So I feel like if I have a bachelor, I have more than 2 years of electives! Anyways, that will be for next September.  It'll be my first experience with student loans, that's for sure! I better start cutting down expenses and start saving!

Thankful

Today I am thankful because I have unconditional love from many different people. 

That makes me pretty lucky.

A weighty discussion

This is my first weight loss blog post. I was nervous to talk about this subject, but hey this is my blog, and it's for me to talk about whatever is going on with me. And for anyone who knows me, the weight issue has been going on with me my entire life.

I don't know why I always think this time will be different, but I keep trying. Maybe that's the point, is just to keep trying. I succeed sometimes, and I fail a lot. But I never completely throw in the towel. Basically I have gained and lost my entire life. I was heavy all through elementary and high school. But somehow near the end of high school, I lost weight. I just ate healthier, was more active, but the most significant thing I can remember is that I just didn't think about food that much. Once I entered university and began my relationship, I just gained and gained and gained. I ate terribly, and I ate lots. The more I ate, the more obsessed I got. It was a vicious cycle that has brought me to the terrible thoughts that I have about my own body. Then about 2 years ago now, I decided that I had had enough, and I wanted to change. I made changes like smaller portions, and I basically cut out fast food. I lost 25 lbs in about 6 months. I couldn't visually tell much of a difference, and it made no difference in my clothing size, but for a bit it gave me the confidence to know I could accomplish what I set my mind to. But then after that 6 months, I just stopped losing weight.  Or rather, I stopped trying. Now it's already 1 1/2 years later, and I haven't lost any more weight. I just don't know what happened. Why did I get a mental block after losing weight? Why didn't I just keep going? And if I'm so unhappy with how I look, why am I not making more of an effort to lose weight?

I don't really have the answers to those questions. A lot of times I wake up with so much motivation, and then I end up having something bad for dinner, after having a decent breakfast and lunch. But every time I go for groceries, it feels like a new beginning. So here I am again, trying again, and hoping for something different.

I just wonder if something will change, and what will make it change. I know that I don't really believe in myself, and maybe that's the thing that stops me. If I don't even trust myself to make good choices, and I never believe that I'll finally lose weight this time, am I going to be successful?  I guess I hope that if I can lose weight first, I'll believe in myself later.

Also on a side note, I haven't been able to bring myself to weigh myself for probably a year now. I just am too afraid that I've actually gained weight instead of just maintained. But I know I can't track small progress without the scale, because when you're my size, you can't tell when you've lost less than 10 lbs.  So we'll see how this next week goes, and maybe I'll build up the courage to weigh myself, and just go from there.