anxieties.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel anxious, you have dreams about past regrets or bad experiences? It's as if your anxiety leaves your mind open and vulnerable to everything that once made you anxious. Or maybe that's just me. It's a terrible experience.

I've been so anxious lately. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually drowning in my anxiety, because that's what it feels like. I was in a pretty dark place yesterday at work, and a couple of the girls were just joking around like normal and it was just the wrong place and the wrong time type of thing. I got really annoyed and kind of grouched at them. I've felt guilty about it for the entire day today even though I already apologized. It was a human moment, and I feel incredible guilty because of it. I've realized lately how much I try to hide away and not let people see.

I find myself lately being so thankful that Jaspaul accepts me how I am. Because I don't feel like many people (other than family) actually accept me for me. I am always hiding parts of me and trying pretend they don't exist. And it's not just because I dislike those parts of me or that I'm trying to put the best version of myself forward, because those things are both true, but I realized the main reason is because I don't actually think people are going to like me despite all those things.

Some deep dark insights for the night.