Yes, this is my second blog tonight. Like I said, I don't write a blog until I'm about to explode.
Everything likes to give their opinions on your personal situation. Everyone wants a say, and everyone thinks what they have to say matters. I'm not saying that the opinions of others don't matter, but what I am saying is, I'm tired of hearing them. I don't want any more advice on what to do with my life. I don't want to talk about my life plans if I'm not the one to bring it up. Sometimes I need to talk about it, because of my anxiety. But when I don't bring it up, chances are, I don't want to talk about it.
The reason this is bothering me so much, is because I spent the a lot of the summer listening to what my dad thinks I should do. But he's just looking out for me, and he wants the best for me. What pushed me over the edge today, was when a neighbour came over "just to say hi" today, and then proceeded to tell me what I "should do" here in Edmonton. He didn't give friendly advice. He was pushy and invasive, and it was very uncomfortable. Of course I said thank you, and nice of you to stop by, but inside I was really thinking "Who the FUCK are you to tell me what I SHOULD do?" Don't you think I already have people in my life telling me what I should do? Don't you think I have enough self doubt, and enough "Should do's" and "to do's" in my life?
I'm just getting tired of all the backseat drivers in my life. I need more people like my mom and Jaspaul. When I ask them what I should do, they ask what I want to do. Without so many words, they tell me to figure out what I want, and they'll support me. I need to figure out what I want, find a way to get it, and not care about all the people telling me telling me what I should do. It's my life, and I should really be able to do whatever I want with it. It's not really any one else's business for now. So I guess I have such an issue with the "should do'ers" because I haven't found my way yet. If I knew who I was, what I wanted, and how I'd get there, I wouldn't care. But I let these people into my mind, because my mind isn't made up yet. There's a lot of room for doubt in my mind right now.. but I'm slowly going to change that.
Backseat drivers are always there. They are well meaning and want to be the one that changes your life. Your neighbour has found his career and wants to see the same thing for you, but he doesn't know your hopes and dreams. Know that your hopes and dreams are important and are always there for you to look forward too. They are never in a straight line. You are someone worth believing in and I am proud of who you are and am excited to see who you become as you grow and mature in Edmonton. I am proud of you. I love you. Do what is right for you and Jaspaul.
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