God, anxiety is a bitch. Sometimes I worry that I'm never truly going to be happy. And that's a problem mostly with jobs. I'm happy with Jaspaul. And part of that was learning how to be happy. I love him, but neither of us are perfect, so of course we're not perfect together. We are always told these fairy tales, watch romantic movies, and so we grow up with unrealistic expectations. But if you can learn to cast aside the unrealistic notion of a perfect man and a perfect relationship, then you're much happier. (I mean after all, if I'm not perfect, how should he be?) Anyways, I've yet to transfer this learned happiness to jobs. I keep telling myself that 1) I'm still learning this job, so of course that is always a bit stressful 2) I'll be happier once I get into the routine of working full time, I mean after all, it's only been a week so I'm not used to working full time yet, let alone working at all. But for probably a full hour I went back and forth saying to myself "I hate this. Will I ever be happy? What if I were to get my dream job, would I be happy? And the other part was saying (I forced myself to say): You're lucky to have a good job. You have a good life, and you're making money. Be happy and you'll like your job more. I seriously flip flopped back and forth between those two while I organized clothing.
On a random note.. I kind of love organizing things for work. That's seriously 80% of what we do. I am one of those people that secretly love organizing things. Most of us who are "secret organizers" don't like organizing things that make sense. We don't like cleaning our rooms on a regular basis, or our kitchens.. but we enjoy doing the big organizational tasks. We love the feeling of cleaning a tornado room. We love making check lists for spring cleaning and checking off the tasks as we go. We love filing alphabetically, and we love the satisfaction of folding clothes perfectly in a retail position. Who knew? There's a little more insight into my strangeness :) haha.
You are amazing. To know that about yourself is incredible. Many people go around in this life and don't realize who they are. I think you have a handle on that one. Be patient (I know that's not your strong suit) and see what happens when your job really starts. Moving stuff isn't what your job is about and it has been a hard week doing that stuff. Keep having those conversations with yourself, they may turn into talking out loud to yourself :) haha Chin up you are doing a great job!! Love you!
ReplyDeleteKeep listening to that voice that says you are more than what you to do pay the bills. You are amazing and I love reading about your journey.
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